Sunshine's probably been my biggest inspiration in these first few days of bidding winter a final goodbye. Oh, how we've missed it! And while it awakens last year's buried losses and invites me into new routines and habits, it's also teaching me something new about letting go.
“I enjoy the spring more than the autumn now. One does, I think, as one gets older.” - Virginia Woolf
I don't know how it goes in other regions of the country, but in the high south, the changing of seasons kind of feels like the fickle faraway friend or family member who keeps promising they'll make a visit. You know the one. You keep pumping up the air mattress, restocking the fridge and refreshing your flower vases, and just when you think they're about to arrive, they call to say the flight got cancelled and they'll have to wait until another weekend. This is best way I know how to explain the wait for Spring. We get a 70º Saturday and start to unbox our shorts, but by Monday, the high is 45º again. If you're like me, you start developing trust issues with the forecast, tossing your head back and laughing maniacally at your local meteorologist. Oh, what's that? A high of 68º by Wednesday? I think I'll keep my boots and scarf on, but thanks for your petty optimism.
It's a sad version of myself. And in the first few days of true Spring, I can still feel a developed cynicism holding me back. All my winter walls are up and I'm still ready to reach for my wool socks at a moment's notice. Don't get me wrong, I bask in the sunshine on those spotted warm days and willfully enjoy them, but I don't dare to reach for a pair of shorts or plan for a picnic in the park the following weekend. The thought in my head is always telling me to just wait. Don't get ahead of yourself. Let the season prove itself by keeping you warm for a full week. Then maybe you can plan an outdoor happy hour with friends without having to pretend you're not freezing, MAYBE.
Today I'm taking a deep breath, because my weathered heart (see what I did there? ..I'm sorry.) finally feels securely nestled into Spring. We made it! Not only was it one of Nashville's longest and coldest winters, it was mine. I think I stayed in shape solely from the amount of running I did to and from my car in order to be rescued by the next warmest location.
Thankfully, a different kind of sun has been rising these past couple of days. The kind that makes the pavement warm and birds sing. The kind that invites the trees to bloom and the grass to grow. The same kind of sun that's inviting me to sing and bloom and grow with change.
As I sit by the window and write, I glance over to see a Dad throwing the baseball with his son in the park across the street. I scan the scene to notice the tree in our front yard lit up white, a couple of robins waltzing in the air, a overall tint of green rising up from the dead, and the sun illuminating it all. I like to think this is nature telling me it's all going to be ok because it's Spring again – that today we get to step both feet into something new, leaving behind whatever needs to be left with winter.
Let it shine.